Teach 'Em How to Say Goodbye
by The Missing Twin
Summary: Worlds end. Species go extinct. Nothing lasts forever. Simply facts of science. Another fact of science: People die. The Enterprise crew is faced with a fact of science. They're well aware of death, but this one? They never expected this one. No one was ready to lose Pavel Chekov
1. Sulu

"I think.. I think we lost them," Sulu puffs, still trying to catch his breath. His hair sticks to his forehead with sweat. He bends over, hands on his knees, smearing around the mud already covering his pants.

"Karu, the Keptin and Doctor McCoy… what eef zey-"

"They're fine, Pavel, they have to be." Sulu straightens back up, taking a deep breath. What the hell had they gotten themselves into? "You know, I'm starting to think that maybe some of the people here don't want that mining agreement." Chekov frowns at him for a moment before responding.

"What vas your first clue?"

Hikaru opens his mouth to respond, but never gets the chance to spit out another smart comment. In fact, the only thing coming from his mouth was a scream of pain as an arrow leaves a wide gash in his bicep, and then, "Run, Pavel!"

Both men take off, racing back to the muddy beach they had come from. Hikaru tries to ignore the searing pain in his arm every time he moves it, and the feeling of his own warm blood running down his arm. Chekov slides on the mud in front of him, and Sulu's heart skips a beat as he thinks the man might fall. But Pavel maintains his balance, stumbling forward for a couple of steps before falling back into a run.

They reach the beach faster than Sulu had expected. Both he and Chekov turn to re-enter the forest, only to be cut off by another native. Hikaru swears loudly as the pair of creatures force them to back up to the water line.

"Karu..." Pavel says, the fear that Sulu had seen in his eyes moments before dripping into his voice.

Sulu doesn't respond, holding his phaser up toward the natives with his good arm. Chekov had already followed his lead. The natives were already aiming at them, their bows loaded. Sulu's head pounded as the cool sea water lapped against the back of his boots. This was turning into a question of who would be shooting first.

Sulu watched the native closer to him like a hawk. When his fingers on the bowstring twitch, Sulu fires. The native drops to the ground, his arrow flying well over Sulu's head and landing in the ocean behind them. He notices the other native has dropped as well, presumably shot by Chekov. Sulu swears again, under his breath this time. "Let's never do that again," he says, his heart pounding.

"Hikaru…" Chekov says weakly. Sulu turns to him, and catches him just as he starts to fall. The native Chekov had shot down had shot as well. He hadn't missed. An arrow protruded from his friend's abdomen. Hikaru suddenly doesn't care about the pain in his arm anymore, and pulls his friend away from the ocean. They drop into the mud a few feet away, Chekov leaning heavily against Sulu. The younger man has his fingers delicately wrapped around the arrow. His fingertips are already red from the blood.

"You're going to be fine, Pav. We'll be fine. Give me your communicator, I'll get us beamed up."

"Dropped it," Pavel says, the pain in his voice all too evident. "In ze forest zomewhere."

It was then that Sulu started to feel overwhelming panic and fear. He didn't have his communicator either. The natives had shot straight through it when they first beamed down. But surely the Enterprise would know, wouldn't they? Both of their vitals had to be all over the place, surely they would know something was wrong and beam them back.

"Scotty'll know, Pav, he'll beam us back," Sulu responds, though he is nowhere near sure of himself.

"He vas vorking on the transporters ven ve left, Karu. Maybe… somezing happened." Pavel pauses mid sentence, taking in a sharp gasp of air before continuing. Shit, he's right. Scotty had warned them that he may not be able to beam them back right away, but they had all given him the go ahead, expecting nothing like this. How in the hell were they getting back on that ship? "Hikaru," Pavel whines. Sulu looks down at him, and then wants to look away and wish he had never looked. It wasn't that he didn't expect there to be blood, it was that he didn't expect this much. Chekov's shaking hands were coated in it. His shirt wasn't gold anymore, instead a sickly wet red. There were dark spots even on his pants.

"Damn it, Pavel. This-this is gonna hurt, okay? I'm sorry." Before Pavel can even respond, Sulu pushes down around the arrow, hoping to at least lessen the bleeding. As expected, Chekov lets out a small scream of pain and tries to squirm away. "Stop! You have to hold still, I don't want to move it." Chekov simply whimpers again in response. "You're going to be fine, Pav, we'll get you out of here."

The minutes pass like hours. Sulu tries to ignore the blood slipping through his fingers, and the occasional whimpers Chekov lets out. It's only when things get too quiet for comfort that he snaps himself out of the trance like state he's in. He looks down to his friend, only to see his eyes closed. Sulu swears he is the same color of snow. "Pavel! Pav, hey, wake up, buddy," Sulu says, not wanting to move his arms so instead bumping Pavel's foot with his own. He sighs in relief when his friend's eyes flutter for a moment, and blue eyes meet brown. "Hey, Pav. You gotta stay awake, alright?" he is greeted by small nod. "Tell me about Russia, you still haven't taken me."

"Because you alvays vanted to go flirt vith your boyfriend," Chekov responds, a small smile playing at his lips.

"Yeah, and then we got married and had your god daughter. Honestly, Pav, you shouldn't be complaining that much," Sulu smiles and Chekov tried to laugh, but almost immediately gasps in pain, his face twisting. "Take it easy, Pav."

"Vhat are we going to do?"

"We're going to get you out of here."

"How?"

Sulu doesn't respond, instead weighing his need Jim and McCoy, and they need them badly. But Sulu can't even be sure they are alive, let alone close enough to hear him if he starts calling for them. And he doesn't know if there are any natives still out there. If there are, his shouting should surely draw them back. That left waiting to be beamed up, and he can't guarantee if that would be soon. And Pavel doesn't have long. The thought hits him like a ton of bricks. His best friend could die in the mud on some weird ass planet. He isn't letting that happen.

"JIM!" the first call for his friends rips from his throat in something closer to a scream. Chekov flinches in his arms.

"Karu, vhat are you doing? Are you crazy? Ze natives vill come back." Hikaru can tell Pavel is trying to yell at him, but he is getting weaker by the minute, and doesn't have the strength to.

"I don't know what else to do! We need Leo at least, maybe he can do something. Their communicators would be nice, too. I'm not letting you die out here, Pavel." His friend grows quiet for a moment before responding.

"Okay, Karu."

"Just try to stay awake, alright?"

Hikaru starts calling for either of his friends. He switches back and forth between the two, sometimes calling their full names, last names, anything he thinks that would get their attention. It seems to be in vain though; he receives no responses in his brief pauses. He isn't near ready to give up despite the pain in his throat when Pavel rests one his hands on his own. He's cold.

"Karu…" he slurs, "eets okay." His voice is barely above a whisper, but Sulu hears him perfectly.

"It's not, Pav, it's not okay, I have to get you out of here!"

"Eets… Eets okay… eef you don't…. It doesn't hurt anymore." Chekov breaths, his breath getting progressively more shallow.

Sulu panics. He knows what that means. "Pavel, don't you dare, you have to stay awake!" But his friend's eyes were already shut. "Pav, wake up, come on! Stay awake!" He pulls his hands away from Pavel's stomach, ignoring how bloody they are. He smacks the younger man's cheek lightly. "Come on, Pav!" But he gets no response other than slow and shallow breathing. "You can't leave, Pavel, please!" He doesn't even notice he's crying until a tear drops from his chin on Chekov's face. He tries in vain for what seems like ages.

Then he notices that he was missing the sound of Chekov's raspy breathing.

His chest isn't moving.

Sulu checks for a pulse. There's no movement under his shaking fingers.

"Please, Pav," he begs quietly.

Nothing happens. The silence around him is deafening and weighing him down.

He breaks the silence before he even realizes what he was doing. He sobs, wrapping an arm around his lost little brother. His other hand ends up in Pavel's hair. He knows full and well he could be drawing in natives. He just doesn't care. Maybe they could kill him too. He begs quietly in Pavel's ear, despite what he already knows. Begs for him to wake up, to open his eyes and look at him. Begs and pleads for him not to leave. Please don't leave me here, don't leave. But it's too late for that. He's already alone.

He isn't sure how much time had passes. He doesn't think he cares. But blue eyes are staring into his own eyes. Too blue to be Pavel's though. Too electric in color. Jim. The realization brings him partially out of his numb trance. Jim must not have been there long. He's staring at Sulu, his eyes wide in disbelief. He looks down to Pavel. He raises a hand, and checks for a pulse on the younger man's neck. When he receives the same result Sulu had, he withdraws. Sulu watches his bottom lip start to quiver and his face twist before Jim finally stands and walks away, going somewhere behind him. Then McCoy is in front of him, kneeling in the mud at he and Pavel's feet. He says something, but it doesn't register with Sulu. All that goes through his head is the fact that McCoy is crying, openly at that, and the fact that Sulu's never seen him do so. McCoy reaches up and smacks his cheek when he doesn't respond.

"Hikaru." It registers that time.

"Leo." Both of their voices sound like gravel and sand paper rubbing together.

"You're hurt. Your arm."

"Yeah."

"Does it hurt?"

"No." Nothing can hurt worse than Pavel. It's a pain that seems to come from somewhere deep in his bones. McCoy hangs his head and swears. He gets up and disappears behind Sulu as well. "He thought you were dead." He's not even sure why he says it. It's not like it matters now. It's just the realization that hits him; Chekov died afraid for people other than himself, and it was for nothing. He doesn't blame Jim or Leo, of course he doesn't, but his mind is rapidly searching for things that could've made it easier. And Pavel knowing his friends were alive would have surely been one of them. But nothing matters now. He gets no response from either of the men behind him. He doesn't expect one.

McCoy is next to him again. He has a piece of a gold shirt in his hand. It must be part of Jim's shirt. "I need to put this 'round your arm. You've lost a lot of blood." His drawl is stronger than usual. Sulu simply nods. McCoy sighs heavily, and ties the shirt around the gash in Sulu's arm. Sulu wants to scream, it hurts, but all that comes out is a small cry. "Sorry, Hikaru," McCoy mumbles before getting up and walking away again. Sulu expects maybe he'll be alone until they beam up. He can't decide whether or not he wants to be. But then it doesn't matter because Jim is next to him, sitting at his side. He looks as lost as Sulu feels. He reaches over and rests his hands on one of Pavel's, one that hap fallen to his lap. Sulu watches him as tears well up in his eyes again before spilling.

"I tried, Jim, I swear I tried," Sulu chokes out. Jim has lost his little brother too, and Hikaru needs him to know it wasn't without a fight.

"I know, Karu," Jim voice cracks and breaks as he speaks. Hikaru isn't sure he could've gotten another word out if he wanted to.

They sit like that until the beam up.

Scotty isn't the one to do it, isn't even in the transporter room. Sulu has a feeling he knows why, but it's still just one more thing that seems so wrong.

Sulu only lets Leo take Pavel. A couple of the other nurses try unsuccessfully. But Sulu doesn't release his hold until it's McCoy that tries. He knows that Pavel trusts- trusted McCoy. So he lets Leo take him, pulling his arms from around Pavel. Sulu watches McCoy pick up his friend like a child, gathering him up bridal style in his arms. Hikaru is well aware that Pavel has to be heavy despite his size, and that there's no longer a point in being gentle with him. But Leo takes him silently, showing no signs of straining to do so. He's gentle, too, something Sulu wants to thank him for but can't force the words to leave his mouth.

He looks away when they go to put Chekov in the body bag.

He looks to Jim instead. They hold eye contact, both of them staying silent. Jim isn't crying anymore, but there's tear tracks in the dirt on his face.

Hikaru flinches when he hears the sound of the body bag starting to zip.

Jim squeezes his eyes shut. Sulu guesses that he must feel the finality in that too.

After the sound stops, Leo comes over, and lays his hand on Hikaru's shoulder. Sulu almost shrugs him away.

"I need you in medbay, Hikaru," he says, the sandpaper and gravel still in his voice. Then his hand is gone, and his boots thump against the transporter pad as he walks away.

It's over.

Final.

Pavel Chekov is dead.


	2. Kirk

He almost wants to scream to break the silence. Surely anything is better than this. Medbay isn't meant to be this quiet. He of all people knows that. He's in here enough Bones threatens to make him pay rent. The medbay is just not supposed to be this quiet. It's meant to be loud and have people bustling about. But now they seem to be at a stand still, like everyone is afraid to move and like one sound would bring down the whole ship. Of course it already feels like the whole ship should be crashing right now. It feels like the entire universe should be ending. It feels like it already has. At least it does to Jim. It feels like the whole universe has been ripped to shreds and he's sitting here staring at the pieces. Like he is a piece. Maybe even a few of them because he doesn't really feel whole either.

He feels like Sulu is staring a hole into him. He knows he's not trying to. Hikaru is just staring ahead, his face blank. It's just that ahead happens to be somewhere around Jim's stomach. He looks as lost as Jim feels. Uhura is sitting at his side, the one not containing his injured arm so Bones can work, and has both of her hands wrapped around one of Hikaru's. He doesn't seem to notice, or in the very least doesn't seem to care. Jim supposes it's the same for Nyota, she doesn't seem to notice the fact that Pavel's blood is still caked to Hikaru's hands. Coating his shirt. Jim looks down to his own hand, the one with blood smeared about the palm from where he placed his own hand on Chekov's. He wants to pretend this isn't real. He wants to pretend it's some kind of dream, or vision maybe. He doesn't want to believe that he couldn't save the man who came to be something like a little brother, doesn't want to believe that he wasn't even there to say goodbye. But the fact is staring him in the face. Really, the truth is in a body bag on a biobed somewhere behind him.

"Do you want me to go call Ben?"Jim looks up in time to see Sulu shake his head in response to Uhura's question. Shit Jim thinks suddenly he has to explain this to Demora. Demora is seven now. Jim is positive she understands death. 'Fleet kids are more or less trained to be prepared for it. Not that it helps. Jim is well aware of the fact, and so is everyone else, that Pavel was Demora's favorite out of the entire senior crew. He was her godfather for crying out loud. Was. Was. It hurts a little more everytime he thinks of Pavel in the past tense.

"I'm done, Hikaru, you can go whenever you'd like," Bones says. Jim watches him step back, eyes on Sulu, seemingly waiting for a response.

"Can I come back and…" Sulu asks quietly, finishing the sentence by simply flicking his eyes towards the body bag behind Jim. Bones nods, wiping his hands on a towel he had thrown over a nearby chair.

"I'll let everyone know when I'm done."

Jim's stomach drops. The autopsy. Bones is CMO, it's his job.

Sulu nods and stands, withdrawing his hand from Uhura's. She follows his lead, and they leave the medbay together.

Bones begins to walk away, but Jim grabs his hand, standing. "Bones. Wait."

"What?" Bones turns to look at him. He looks so tired.

"You don't have to- I mean… Can't you ask Geoff to do it?" Jim knows that despite the age difference not really being large enough, Bones was closer to a father to Chekov. He knows how much it has to hurt, and doesn't want that to be made worse.

Bones sighs. His whole body seems to sag. "Darlin'-"

"It's Pavel, Bones." Jim's voice cracks.

"It's my job, darlin'. And you and I both know how that kid felt about doctors. You really think he'd trust anyone else?" Bones smiles sadly, rubbing the back of Jim's hand with his thumb. Jim opens his mouth to argue, but can't seem to come up with a rebuttal.

"Okay," he says quietly. He closes his eyes as Bones presses his lips to his forehead briefly. Bones gently pulls his hand away.

"Go see about Hikaru. I don't want either of you alone right now."

Jim nods, opens his eyes and looks at Bones.

"Go, Jim. I'll be okay." he presses another kiss to Jim's forehead before walking away.

Jim doesn't bother to knock when he get to Sulu's quarters. He simply enters the security code and walks in. It's the way it has been for a while.

Hikaru is sitting on the edge of his bed, head hung. Even from a distance Jim can see how hard his hands are shaking.

"Karu."

Sulu looks up. His eyes are glistening again. "I told him I would get him out of there, Jim. I told him he'd be okay," his voice cracks, and Jim feels something shatter inside himself. "He was dying, and I lied to him." Fresh tears follow old tracks down Sulu's face.

Jim walks toward him slowly. He's at a loss of what to do. He's a starship Captain. He's supposed to be able to keep himself and his crew in check at times like these. He can't do either. He supposes Starfleet can't prepare anyone for something like losing Pavel Chekov.

Sulu looks down again, running his hands through his hair. "I couldn't save him, Jim. I should've and I didn't and I'm so sorry." Jim reaches him at the end of the second sentence, grabs him by his shirt, and hauls him off the bed.

Judging by the fear in his eyes, Sulu must be expecting Jim to hit him. Jim wants to hit something, that's true enough, but Hikaru is so far down on the list that, really, he isn't even on it. Jim releases his shirt, pulls him into a tight hug instead. He feels Hikaru relax against him, and feels the man's whole body shake as he begins to cry again, his head falling to Jim's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Jim says, and he is. He wishes he was there to say goodbye. Wishes he was there to try and help. Wishes he was there for Hikaru. But he wasn't, and he is truly sorry. It was his idea to split, it was an effort to get the group of natives to split. It had worked, but maybe if he hadn't suggested it…

"It's okay, Jim. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either, Hikaru." Jim gets no response to his statement. "Hikaru."

"I was the only one there, Jim, the only one that stood a chance at saving him and I didn't."

They stand there in near silence. Occasionally Hikaru sniffles, or his breath catches again, but other than that it's silent. Hikaru has wrapped his good arm around Jim, gripping the back his shirt. Jim says nothing, and doesn't move either. He can't seem to figure out what he should be doing. He has relied on his instincts his whole life, and now he has none. He's lost crewman before, it's nothing new. But none of them have been on his senior crew. None of them have been Chekov.

Hikaru draws away first. Jim lets his arms fall away and back to his sides. "What now?" Hikaru asks quietly.

"I…. I don't know."

"We're going to have to write reports, aren't we?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck."

"I never thought it would be him first." The words fall from his mouth before he even realizes that he's speaking instead of thinking. He continues, though now more aware of what he's doing. "I thought it would be me. Maybe Spock, selfless bastard. But not Chekov." Hikaru is staring at him again, though the lost look is more hidden. It's hard to place the look on his face now. To Jim's surprise, he lets out a low, wry chuckle.

"Kid got sick every other week in the academy and you didn't think it would be him? Even besides that, he was starting to take after you, wasn't he?" Jim tries to smile, but whatever comes across his face feels nothing like a real and true smile.

"Yeah, he was."

There's a short silence before Sulu speaks again. "It feels fake. It's real and I know it is but… I feel like I'm just sitting back and watching some dream unfold." he pauses, and looks at his hands. They're still shaking. Still red with blood. He looks to his shirt next, which is no longer gold, instead somewhere in a mix of dark mud and blood. "I feel like if I make this go away, if I take the shirt off then… then I'm admitting it's real. And then today turns into another day on the calendar and it's not because damn it, Jim, I just lost my best friend and I don't even know how to feel other than feeling he deserves better than that." He's rambling now, Jim doesn't care, he lets him continue on. "We were the only people he had left in the world and we couldn't…. We couldn't save him, I couldn't save him. He deserved better than that. We didn't deserve him."

Jim is at a loss of what to say. Surely Hikaru's right. They couldn't save Pavel. They didn't deserve him. He deserved better, he deserved people that would always be there to save him. But he needs- needed- that kid. He wants to think himself worthy of Pavel Chekov. But wasn't it his plan that got the man killed? That has to make him devoid of all worthiness. He doesn't know what to think.

"I miss him already and it hasn't even been two hours," is all he can think to say.


End file.
